Parental alienation is a term used when a child develops either justified or unjustified hatred or dislike for one of the parents. Most often, it is a result of either negative comments or actions by one parent toward the other or by the actions of the very parent who is claiming the other parent is alienating the child.
Parental alienation removes a child's right to have a relationship with and feel loved by both parents. It also puts the child in the position where he or she must choose between the two parents. This is usually very confusing and upsetting to a child, who is already dealing with the reality of separation and divorce. Children in this situation need more than anything to be reassured that both parents still love them instead of being treated like prizes to be won in a custody war.
In order to avoid parental alienation, a parent must put the child's best interests first and foremost on the priority list, ahead of hurt feelings, disagreements with exes and anger over the separation and divorce. Examples of things done to effect parental alienation can range from expressing negative or disparaging comments about the other parent in front of the child, speaking ill of the other parent in general, allowing others to disparage the other parent in front of the child, encouraging negative views about the other parent by the child, preventing meaningful access, not informing the other parent of the child's circumstances, bribing a child with gifts, trips, etc. during the access periods they would otherwise exercise with the other parent.
Custody and access are a child's right, not a parent's. While this is a common misconception, mature parents generally accept that children have a right to have a relationship with both parents, which, if encouraged appropriately, can foster the child's relationship with BOTH parents.
Alienation only serves a selfish purpose, no matter how it is couched in the "alienator"'s mind. A parent who seeks to alienate their child from the other parent, save the uncommon situation where safety is concerned, may appear to the outside world as though they are shielding their child from some form of harm, disruption, inconsistency, "unsavory" new partners, or any other reason which may be used to prevent the affection of the child to develop with the other parent. But, too often, the nature of the alienation, however it is expressed, is to control the child and/or the other parent or prevent a loss of control over the child and/or the other parent. And, in many occasions, it backfires, thereby creating a situation where the very parent who is trying to alienate the other parent actually ends up alienating the child from him or herself.
If you are the victim of parental alienation, and cannot discuss this issue with the other parent reasonably, it may be necessary to seek counsel. In certain cases, courts may order reports by mental health professionals to determine whether parental alienation has been taking place and, if so, where it originates from. These professionals can include, if court ordered to do so, a psychological component to their reports meant to help uncover the origins of the alienation taking place. A parent who consistently seeks to alienate the child from the other parent runs the risk of losing custody of the child as a Court's duty is to determine the child's best interests.
If you believe you are the victim of parental alienation, you should seek legal advice.
Thank you for reading
*This article is not to be construed as legal advice. If you require legal advice on this or any topic, please contact us at (506)849-0900 or another family law lawyer near you.
Written for Thibault Jones Law by Victoria Gregan and and J. Nathalie Thibault Jones
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